Who do you spend the most time with?
“You are the average five people you spent the most time with. Analyze, how do you spend your time with your friends?”, I remember my mentor, Madam Retno told me this a year ago when I called her to ask for advice.
“Well, I have been spending my time to discuss about my job with some friends, and honestly speaking, we have been gossiping and complaining about people around us as well” I admitted shyly.
“Maybe those habits are the reason you’ve been feeling unfulfilled and miserable.” She answered calmly.
Her voice was calming to my ear yet it pierced my soul. Yes, how could I be happy if all I see are my annoying colleagues, my internet connection that worked slowly, the rain that made my clothes wet, the sun that burned my skin?
“Be careful of the pattern you are developing everyday, it builds you, it builds your future. And remember, your ring-one circle determines your daily pattern. Recognize your patterns, write them down so you can uncover the disruptive patterns.” She explained to me.
I agreed with what she said. However, to uncover and break the disruptive patterns are not as simple as that.
The reason is because gossiping and complaining give us certain pleasure or ‘high’. The ‘high’ that caused not by receiving solutions, but when we have someone who listen, who validate our feelings and who make us feel better about ourselves.
However, the consequences of these patterns are more destructive than the ‘high’ it could give. Therefore, at this moment I decided to step back and choose my circle carefully.
Currently, there are five people I spent most of my time with. My baby daughter, my mom, my husband, my spiritual mentor, Madam Retno, and my favorite celeb-gram, Jennifer Bachdim.
Thank God, I surrounded by people who always try to see the best in me. I also thank God because my husband, my mom, and my mentor are such great responders to my complaints. They will listen, but then give me awesome feedback that will encourage my mind to reflect and help me to stop this pattern of complaining.
“Okay, now you are complaining about every thing. Now stop first. Ask yourself, what do you really want?”, the response my hubby gives me whenever I started to complain a lot.
My hubby will usually stay silent and let me process my feelings and thoughts for awhile. After processing I usually found out the root cause of my negative emotions. For example, couple of weeks ago, I found out that the reason of my complaints was because I felt ignored and I needed more quality time with my hubby.
Talking about my ring-one inner circle, I also mentioned Jennifer Bachdim, as one of people I spent most of my time with. I don’t know her in person, but I have been watching her videos on Instagram and YouTube as source of my daily motivation. As someone who goes through long distance marriage, with a baby, and wants to live a healthy lifestyle I need daily inspiration to look up to and she is the best role model.
In the beginning of this year, I modified my instagram account settings as well. I muted all the IG posts and stories that drains my energy and didn’t give me any added value. It is my way to filter the information I allow to enter my mind and soul.
So far, I can see some positive changes in my mind and soul. Instead of spending time gossiping and complaining, I write blogs, make YouTube videos, working out, learning how to cook from my mom, learning how to ride a motorbike from my husband, and many more.
How about you? Please share if you have any strategy to break the bad patterns.
Bless This Mess 