What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever received?
Maturity is realizing that other people are not mind readers, even those who love you. Everybody is busy living their own life. You can’t expect them to magically be in tune with your every need and emotion. Communicate!
I think this is the best piece of advice I have ever received.
As an Indonesian woman, since childhood, I was taught to be submissive, to stay low key, and to never speak my heart out.
Peaceful Relationship ≠ Silence
I am not saying that it is totally wrong, I admit, in our culture we, women, are expected to be the peacemaker and the nurturer of our family. As the peacemaker and nurturer, speaking our heart out may lead to conflict. Therefore we better to remain silent. However, I think this type of comfort and peace created by forcing ourselves to be silent is just an illusion.
Being Unheard >> Disfunction Relationship
As human, we have some basic needs, one of them is the need to belong, which entails feeling wanted, heard and appreciated.
When we don’t feel any of those in our relationship, it leads to unresolved feelings of pain, fear, or doubt that get stored in the subconscious because it has nowhere else to go. The subconscious then sorts these out into various insecurities and false beliefs which drive our functionality in life, which include our relationship.
I have seen some couples who are being abusive toward each other, and some tried to justify their unfaithful behavior. The reason was because it feels easier for them to abuse and cheat rather than to communicate their needs properly to their loved ones. What even worst, there are some people who choose to suppress their needs and emotions long enough until it becomes mental or physical illness. This is so sad but so true.
Peace = Effective Communication
Seeing all these things have shifted my mindset. Previously I have tried to silence my voice in relationships, but my heart felt heavy. The more I silence my voice, the more toxic I become, and the more likely my emotions explode into an ugly outburst later.
Later, I realized that my peace could be achieved by properly communicating my needs and emotions to my partner. Besides, I could make my partner feel more wanted, heard, and appreciated by listening to his needs and emotions as well.
Long journey to go but I believe we are heading to a right direction. 🤞 Now, what do you think about this? Please write your opinions down below! 😁
Bless This Mess 